Yesterday, in Krajina on the Croatian side. From Sisak to the bosniaque border, destroyed houses. What happened to their owners? Simply kicked out because they were Serbs or killed because of their ethnicity? The ethnical cleansing took place in 1994 here. "If you are not from my tribe, I kick you out". Kind of the same thing happened in the March two days ago. Frédéric is a French "auto media" like he describes himself. Ex French paratrooper, ex Zadiste and now ex peace Marcher, probably because of me. He decided to leave us yesterday morning. The night before, he wanted to fight with me. He was drunk, he was probably sad as well. Because we could not communicate together anymore. Then, I made my own mental cleansing. I erased him from my world. And he could not bear it. He was behaving in a violent way most of the time but it was not violence for him. It was his own way to behave, to express himself. Speaking loudly, refusing the rules, exploding when he felt like doing so. And last night, he exploded in front of me, in front of everyone. Without the fear of being seeing as the mean one. He was just himself, animal and human at the same time. And me, I was just cold, ice cold in front of him, him yelling, threatening, insulting me. I reacted by a smile, He mean one, the smile that tells " you are nothing to me and I don't even hear what you are yelling at me.". Some Marchers took him apart and tried to calm him down. He kept on yelling for a while from a distance, trying to explain to the others why he was so upset with me. And then I heard him crying, a cry of despair, a cry begging for understanding, for compassion. Later, Jan, a close friend from the group told me my behavior towards Frédéric was more violent than his own behavior. I lessened to him but was upset inside because I felt like the agressed one. But Frédéric's teardrops proved Jan was right: although I did not yell nor physically fight, I was probably the most violent of the two And for sure the less sensitive one.
Frederic left but won the fight and I feel a bit shity tonight,
Like the responsible of this internal cleansing,
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